I got a blog, bitches

So… hello.

Welcome to my blog.

Um.

Well you see, I have an extreme slight case of Socially Awkward-itis, and, evidently, can’t even maneuver a proper blog opening. Blech. And you would have thought that a thirteen-year-old girl who spends half of her waking life staring at a bright screen would come up with a better greeting than “Hello. Welcome to my blog.” Instead, I’m cowering behind my desktop monitor, hitting myself over the head with a pencil for not being more interesting.

Because my life really isn’t that interesting. At all. I mean, sure, there’s always a Holden/Ambara once in a while, then, oh Lawdy, SHIT IS GOING DOWN. But honestly, I got a blog because my friends told me to.

It started in Science class, when we were making Powerpoint Presentations for some water project, when we were measuring how much water we used for a week. God, I hope I will NEVER HAVE TO ENDURE THAT EVER AGAIN. Seriously. The stopwatch I had to use for my shower and stuff… I mean, if there was a stopwatch high school, my stopwatch would be sitting at the table with a nurse and a special counselor hand-feeding him applesauce and wiping the leftovers dribbling from his mouth. It is The Most Retarded Stopwatch In Existence. It’s so retarded, it has a title for it. I mean, most of my days went as followed:

1. Wake up.

2. Set stopwatch.

3. Begin brushing teeth, only to find the damn thing wasn’t timing how long I kept the water on.

4. Press reset. Reset fails. Repeat about ten billion times.

5. Give up and record two minutes on the chart.

6. Go to school. Suffer.

7. Return from school.

8. Try out the stopwatch again. Fail.

9. Sacrifice a clock to the Stopwatch Gods.

10. Positive the Stopwatch Gods are satisfied, try reasoning with the stopwatch again. Double fail.

11. Throw the fucker across the room.

12. Get some sleep.

Anyways, I showed them the list (among other things I came up with that shall be discussed later) and my good friend Savannah (who also goes by the names Agent Beagle, Dinosaur, Professor Doctor, etc.), suggested that I take up blogging. I think. She was gasping for breath that’s what she said, and my other friend, Chloe, emphatically agreed. I used to have a blog, and since it is thoroughly embarrassing to even look at it, I choose not to tell you what it’s called. Soooo I decided to give it a try once again. Yey.

And that is the story of the Conception of the Most Epic Corner of the Interwarbz.

Welcome.

— Sabrina

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