NOTE: Usually I don’t write about celebrities, mainly because unless they’re attractive male actors, I find the whole fact of following their lives completely ridonkulus. I just feel compelled to write about Kimye. I DO WHAT I WANT.
If you haven’t heard of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s baby, then you’ve either
a) been living under a rock for several weeks
b) deleted that information, as you need to keep your mind palace free of rubbish
or c) had an encounter with The Silence whilst reading that article on yahoo.com.
But here’s the rundown-
Kim and Kanye have been dating for like six months now. Apparently, Kanye fell in love with her around 2009-ish. But they have been dating for six months or more. I think. I searched “kimye dating” and it said it was longer than 72 days (lol). I looked more and it was six months. Yeah. Anywhosies, I woke up one morning at around noon as usual, and stumbled down the stairs, being pulled by outside forces to the computer to check if anything interesting was happening. I sat down and opened Chrome to my homepage, Yahoo, the motherland of all news stories and every life– you know what, let me draw it for you.
It was hard to make out the actual story through the haze of parody Twitter accounts and “omfggggg dey r in luv <3” Facebook posts, but from what I saw, Kanye announced the pregnancy in a way that was totally his style.
During a concert.
Using the words “baby mama”.
Have you ever watched a television show or read a book and one of the characters does something embarrassing and you kind of feel the embarrassment they’re feeling (example: that one Hinny kiss when Ron walks in. I was like NNNOOOO)? And you kind of squirm uncomfortably and then pause it or close the book, go make yourself nachos and tell yourself that you’re weird, then go back to reading/watching and you can’t eat your delicious nachos because your stomach, hell, your whole body is like OMG AWKWARD…?
I squirmed whilst reading that post. Kanye, you make yourself out to be a ladies man. BABY MAMA??? ON STAGE??? So then, I watched the video clip (watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=l6aX1D_z5jQ) of him announcing it. And then I squirmed around whilst watching. I didn’t pause it though to make nachos, because it was really short. BABY MAMA??? ON STAGE??? WITH AUTOTUNE???
Sometimes I feel like the Earth’s Common Sense levels have decreased to almost Nothing. You know how my parents announced that I was sucking on a placenta in my mum’s womanplace? On the phone, email, or in person. D’you think my dad quit playing guitar for a moment in chapel, walked up to the mic, and said “A shoutout fo ma baby MAMAAA!!” NO! Otherwise that would explain WAY too much about my family. I can imagine, ten years from now:
Kadarshikid: “Daddy, how did you announce my birth?”
Kanye: “Well, son, your Daddy was performing songs with lyrics about exploiting women and drug abuse. But he was getting a bit bored. So he decided to announce your birth by calling your Mommy by the name of ‘Baby Mama’!”
Kardashikid: “Wow cool. I’ll definitely do that with my girlfriend someday. Knock her up after six months and then call her a baby mama.”
NO. No matter how airheaded and slutty one may be, thou shalt not call impregnated partner a “baby mama”. Do you know how derogatory that term is? When someone is pregnant, say “oh, my pregnant (spouse/girlfriend/concubine)”, not BABY MAMA. Gah.
That was my first MINDSPLOSION about the Kimye baby. Then I thought “what are they gonna name it?”. Then I made a Facebook post about it.
And people liked it yayyyyyy.
Although lots of people say that it’s not going to work out between Kim and Kanye, I disagree. I mean, they both have the K-thing going on. They both have egos bigger than the waist size of my old softball coach. Who knows? Maybe… Something Good Can Work. Now that’s What You Know. And me too. But hey, we’ll see before Next Year. Someday.
*stops making lameass TDCC puns*
Anyways, sorry for Bombin Da Feedz with a bunch of gobbledegook about Kimye. I just needed to write down this stuff in my head *flails*
Oh, and my friend recommended Breaking Bad to me. I didn’t exactly know the plot. Guess who wins the Epic Fail Award for watching it with her mom??
Anyone have any good baby names for Kimye?