Ode to the Internet

So I wrote this in English during a particularly boring class. Hope you enjoy.
P.S sorry for being absent for a day. I mean, if you missed me at all. I had HOMEWORK for once. Like, wtf??

Hark! I love not that of sports, tricks or games,
‘less it involves saving Peach or Zelda, the fair dames,
O Internet! O Internet!
Thine existence has consumed me
With your websites and live-streaming and cat pictures free
Blogging and smiling and ASDFGHJKL-ing
Over Loki, Valdez and Her Majesty, Jo Rowling,
Thine feel-inducing fandoms, woe, how they torture me!
Yet I and the wretched maidens always run back to thee,
for dear tumblr and Reddit and Flix of the Net
Streaming Doctor Who and Fullmetal and Johnlock-ness, let
Us wretched fangirls have a life of our own
(Though most is spent saying “STAHP, LEEV MEH ALON”)
Thine’s addicting servers hath led the browsers astray,
O Internet! You have stolen their lives away!
For the fangirls, the porn junkies, the writers of slash
their souls have been loved on, then torn into mere ash
Your memes grow old, as do your browsers,
ummmmmmmmmmmmmm… browser rhymes with Bowser?

SMD, William Shakespeare.

–Sabrina

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