Sick=suck

I am currently buried underneath a mound of blankets/coats/snuggly things, with room enough to poke my head through and my two FREEZING HANDS out to takatakatakatakatakatakataka on Ze Keyboard. It’s something like 70 degrees in this house. FUCK.

A lot of people like being sick because they get out of school, but really, I beg to differ. All I did both yesterday, today, and probably tomorrow is lie around whilst being buried in said blankets/coats/snuggly things that seem to travel with me wherever I wander, watch Doctor Who, and Homestuck.

AKA not much different from my normal weekend routine. Usually I enjoy my weekend routine. But you CANNOT ENJOY WEEKEND ROUTINE when you have a 102.5 fever, congestion, absolutely no appetite, and your limbs feel like they’ve been PETRIFICUS TOTALUS. Seriously. My main way of traveling through the house for the past couple days is scooting down the stairs, stumbling to the computer, and falling asleep on the way there.

&&& I watched Torchwood. I seriously got halfway Day One and then was like “wow okay lesbian makeout session” and kind of shielded my eyes and squirmed uncomfortably then paused it to make nachos, only to throw them away because I didn’t have an appetite. I didn’t continue to watch it. If you read my blog post on Kimye’s baby then you know I felt awk. Oh God andhisholylightningshootingnipples I sound like a homophobe. I’m not homophobic. As a matter of fact, 2/5 of my OTPs are involving menxmen.

MY OTPs (One True Pairingseseseses)

1. Hinny (Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter)

2. Destiel (Dean Winchester and Castiel. Funnily enough I haven’t seen an episode of SPN with Castiel in it yet. But FANFICTION YAY)

3. Deamus (Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan)

4. Tose. Or Ren. (Rose and Doctah Numba 10)

5. PERCABETH ASDFGHJKL; (Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase R-SQUARED WHY DID YOU KICK MY BBS IN TARTARUS WHYY)

There are two kinds of people in this world. One, the Moffats and Riordans. Two, those who rock back and forth in a corner foaming at the mouth due to said Moffats and Riordans.

*injects special sanity drug. oh, and, er, tylenol/motrin aswell*

Sorry for the takatakatakatakatakataka nonsense. I’m tired so bye-bye mah babes.

P.S Resolution which-ever-I-promised-to-post-erryday isn’t working out 😦 Sorry guise.

x Sabrinaniqua Bon Qui Qui Jones

Ode to the Internet

So I wrote this in English during a particularly boring class. Hope you enjoy.
P.S sorry for being absent for a day. I mean, if you missed me at all. I had HOMEWORK for once. Like, wtf??

Hark! I love not that of sports, tricks or games,
‘less it involves saving Peach or Zelda, the fair dames,
O Internet! O Internet!
Thine existence has consumed me
With your websites and live-streaming and cat pictures free
Blogging and smiling and ASDFGHJKL-ing
Over Loki, Valdez and Her Majesty, Jo Rowling,
Thine feel-inducing fandoms, woe, how they torture me!
Yet I and the wretched maidens always run back to thee,
for dear tumblr and Reddit and Flix of the Net
Streaming Doctor Who and Fullmetal and Johnlock-ness, let
Us wretched fangirls have a life of our own
(Though most is spent saying “STAHP, LEEV MEH ALON”)
Thine’s addicting servers hath led the browsers astray,
O Internet! You have stolen their lives away!
For the fangirls, the porn junkies, the writers of slash
their souls have been loved on, then torn into mere ash
Your memes grow old, as do your browsers,
ummmmmmmmmmmmmm… browser rhymes with Bowser?

SMD, William Shakespeare.

–Sabrina

School is stupid.

Today was the first day back to school after winter break. Grr. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate school? I haven’t? Well, it’s about time. I feel like I’m talking to a wall, but at least I’m talking. Whatever. Wall, this is why I hate my school.

1. Everyone is friggin’ retarded. I swear to God, most days I feel like shouting “Beam me up, Scotty” because EVERYONE IS STUPID. And some people really can’t help it, and they try to improve upon it. I admire them for it. They’re the nice and good stupid people. But the majority of dumb people at my school seem to LIKE being dumb. Some of them are actually really smart, but they dumb themselves down. For what reason? I have no clue. It’s like, in every class, when a teacher asks a question, I and maybe two other people are the only people to raise their hands. Last year when someone asked a question, everyone raised their hands. I guess it’s “cool” to act stupid nowadays. Ugh. I can’t stand it.

2. I’m near the bottom of the social pyramid. I really can’t say this sucks. Honestly. I’ve come to terms with myself and others and I really am happy with my friends. But, as anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock for most of their lives knows, those who are losers get bullied a bit. And my school isn’t really notorious for bullying. It’s just that me and my friends get gossiped about a LOT. A lot of times we’re openly made fun of for liking Harry Potter or something else, writing or reading a lot, or not wearing makeup or a specific namebrand. Mostly by aforementioned chavs (yay british terms).

3. My teachers kind of annoy me. Not all of my teachers are half bad. Some of them are, in fact, awesome. Example: my science teacher, Mr. Hall, is a HUGE Doctor Who fan and is also an meme-freak. He’s hilarious, and even the popular kids like him. But some… aren’t. Example: my English teacher, Ms. Yachim. Let me give you a visual. Petite. Nasally voice. In her late twenties. Been out of teaching college for an upward of five minutes. Makeup that fossils could be buried in and lash extensions that would make a camel run away. She’s not my favorite. Actually, my least favorite. Ms. Yachim reminds me of some girl who’d gossip about you in the bathrooms and spread rumors about you. I don’t know if it’s me being judgmental or if anyone else feels this vibe, but it just irks me. And her voice is very annoying.

4. Weed. Everyone who falls into the Chavs or Popular Males category thinks that weed is dabomb.com. It isn’t and I’m sick of hearing you talk about your supposed “experiences” with marijuana.

5. COLOGNESPLOSION. A lot of boys believe that they can go days without showering and just spray craploads of Axe or A & F cologne to mask it. It. Doesn’t. Work. It just gives me a headache– a little bit of scent is fine, but when the hallway smells like a college basketball team opened a Hollister, it’s too much. Some guys carry around their cologne in their backpacks. Just stop. Okay? Please.

6. It isn’t Hogwarts.

7. It isn’t Camp Half-Blood.

8. It isn’t in the TARDIS.

9. HOMEWORK. GAH.

So Wall, that is why I hate my school so much.

FUNNY PICTURE OF THE DAY:

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If you don’t Homestuck, then you’re wrong.

–S

If I had a llama

The following memoranda (memorandi? memorandums? holla at my Grammar Nazis? where are you guys?) shows you what I’d do if I had a llama.

Llama demigod– If I had a llama, I would ride it all the way to Camp Half-Blood instead of seeking out Grover or another satyr for help. It would show everyone what a badass I truly am. And my llama. Because llamas are badass. When I get to Camp Half-Blood I will hop of my llama and run all the way to the Hephaestus cabin, fling open the door dramatically, find Leo Valdez, and proceed to have sex with that fine piece of ass. Then people will throw money at us. When I finish de-flowering the McShizzle, I will use the money that was thrown at me to buy crack. Not for me, but for the llama. So it would forgive me for using it as transportation. Then I will marry Leo Valdez.

Circus llama– If I had a llama, I would surgically attach a white carrot to its face so it looks like a hairy unicorn. Then I will teach my hairy unicorn to do tricks, like standing on one leg, the Bat-Bogey Hex, and the Dougie. I will open a circus and people will pay to see my hairy unicorn do such tricks. I will use the money we earned to buy crack. For the llama, not me. So it doesn’t mind having a white carrot attached to his face for the rest of his life.

John Lennon llama–  If I had a llama, I would buy a pair of round glasses and make my llama wear the glasses. It would summon the spirit of John Lennon and the spirit would possess my llama. Then I would have my llama record a song, and it will go to the top of the charts because John Lennon is possessing my llama. We’ll make more money than the guy who wrote Gangnam Style. With the money we earned I will buy a Camp Half-Blood shirt for me and a Camp Half-Blood shirt for my llama. Then I will have sex with Leo Valdez.

Skrillex llama– If I had a llama, I would take it to a Skrillex concert along with a dart gun and a bunch of Glo-Sticks. I would use the dart gun to shoot Skrillex with elephant tranquilizer so he passes out. While the audience runs amok, I will bring my llama onstage and get him to press the “play” button on his laptop, and the audience will go wild. My llama would be decked out in Glo-Sticks. And everyone will talk about how we saved the day. Tom Felton would be at the concert, and he would come up to me afterwards and be like “Your llama is really awesome, and you’re incredibly sexy.” He would kiss me on the cheek and then I would just die.

Hitman llama– If I had a llama, I would bring it to the Spanish Mafia and have the llama be their hitman. They would pay my llama to kill Justin Bieber and all the members of One Direction. But PLOT TWIST! I would turn them in to the police and say that my llama’s evil twin killed the pop icons. That way we wouldn’t get in trouble. I would use the money we earned to buy Stephanie Meyer and hand her over to the police for ruining humanity’s literary awesomeness. Then I will get some sleep.

Dalai llama– If I had a llama, I would move to Tibet with my friend Anna and we would live there with my llama. We will meet the Dalai Lama, kidnap him, and wipe his memory. Then we would dress my llama in orange bath-towels. My llama would become the spiritual leader of Tibet and kick China’s sorry ass out. Then me and Anna will teach the Dalai Lama how to breakdance. Then I will have sex with Leo Valdez.

Someone needs to buy me a llama.

— Sabrina